I am so sorry to those of you that still read my blog. It's been about a month and a half since my last post and I feel terrible about that, but life has been all over the place and due to a bit of a tragic event I'm finally ready to come back to this blog.. To catch you up...
I started a new job the beginning of April and was rather unsure of it when I started and for the first two weeks or so of working there. I didn't see it being much of a long-term thing once I was there, even though I was optimistic and hopeful before starting. I decided to stick it out until I could maybe find something better because I still needed a job, so I sucked it up and went with it, then things in my life took a huge turn...
On April 23 (yes a month ago today), I lost one of the most important men in my life. My maternal grandpa passed away after a 4-year long battle with cancer. My life instantly stopped and came crashing down all around me. Now, I know many people will lose a grandparent and it's sad, don't get me wrong, I'm not downplaying this AT ALL, but for a lot of people they see it coming. I'll be honest, we did get a warning about a week before that things were not good and that we had 2-3 months at best with him. Two days before he passed, my mom sat me and my siblings down and told us all about it and that it was our choice if we wanted to spend the time we had with him. I wanted nothing more than to do that, but was unable that time to go with her, so I said I would go down the next weekend I was off (the following weekend), but I never got that chance.
I received the call from my dad at 6:40 am just as I was getting ready for work and was about to head out the door for the day. I remember being in shock, but the second I hung up the phone, I dropped to the ground and began sobbing. See, what makes it so hard is that my mom's side of the family is incredibly close. My cousins are as close to me as siblings, my grandparents are literally like another set of parents to me, I even lived with them for a year in the 8th grade. We're a very tight-knit group that loves each other endlessly and everyone knows each other's business before it even happens. At times it's annoying, but we wouldn't have it any other way. My grandpa was the glue to this family. Losing him is like losing a father and a best friend. He was always so supportive over us all in anything we chose to do and never once gave up on us. My heart is still so broken and I miss him so dearly.
After that happened, I ended up losing my job. It was a huge mess involving time I took off for my grandfather's death and funeral, among other things, but honestly I wasn't all that upset. I can get another job and I really wasn't too keen on it anyway. I was only working there for about 3 or 4 weeks when my grandpa passed so I knew this was a possibility. I've been a stay-at-home-home since and so far it's been okay. I think I've really needed the time anyway so I can deal with the loss of someone so important in my life.
After everything, I feel like it's time I come back here and start writing again, if nothing else but to have a place to discuss my feelings. I've wanted to come back but I just wasn't ready to throw myself in just quite yet, but I am now. Thank you all for being so patient and sticking by me and this blog even though I wasn't around!
Amanda.
